Here I will review weird movies, give gardening tips, and rant and rave about the ires of the world
Sunday, June 12, 2011
This movie is all the more horrific because all the events which we witness are true. Gaius Caligula Caesar was well known to the authors of antiquity as the mad emperor of Rome, to quote GWAR, "Whose purges consumed thousands on his blazing altar of syphilis." We can start off by saying that this movie is a porn. The very first scene of the movie features Caligula's uncle Tiberius having a great big syphilitic orgy with a bunch of midgets, freaks, and deformities of nature. Once Caligula takes over, things only get worse. He appoints his horse as counsel of Rome. He leads out his legions to an invasion of Briton, but then has them attack a field of papyrus cane instead. But the worst part is saved for a Roman general named Proculus, and his wife Livia. Loudly saying, "In the name of the Senate, and the People of Rome, I Caligula Caesar command it", he slaps a lump of lard on the ass of Proculus and FISTS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, leaving him prostrated and bleeding. Leaning over the body of his defiled wife, Caligula then goes on to say, "You can see how I have exhausted myself to make your wedding holy." There is not much else you can say about Caligula, except "Let's see if Proculus can brighten our day!"